does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
