If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
