Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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