I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
