What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.