Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"