Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.