why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(