This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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