being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I currently don't understand fingers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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