You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
