I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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