so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
