So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
