happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
