How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
