Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
