possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
