throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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