Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
