I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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