if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
