He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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