Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
