if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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