I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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