i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
