It's Friday. Sex?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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