how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We have started to decorate penises.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
