quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
