theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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