You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
