her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
