Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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