just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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