wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
