We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
