Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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