Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had sex on a dog bed..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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