you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize