yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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