he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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