She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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