so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
