My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
