Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
