If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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