She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sponge bath it is.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
