based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
