woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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