genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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