This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
