Swine flu is the new snow day.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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