is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
