shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
