this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
