Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
