Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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