The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think my vagina is haunted
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
