i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
