dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
