didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
