giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
