My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
