My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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