Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
